The power and art of secrecy in building your network.

I have built most of my network of trust thanks to my natural aptitude for discretion. It is one of my "superpowers". It is innate: I have always had a taste for secrecy, and "knowing" has always mattered much more than "having" in my eyes.

In a world in which privacy seems to be an outdated concept, secrets are often set against transparency, against communication, and against sharing.

And yet, these values are not incompatible, and the art of detecting and protecting the secrets of the person you are talking to can quickly become extraordinarily strong cement for the foundations of a solid network of trust.

There are several types of secrets, including:

– Confidential or strategic information covered by an NDA or a classification.

– Legal obligations (confidentiality of judicial investigations, medical confidentiality, etc.)

– Rituals in which the secrets are shared only with the initiated, while keeping the uninitiated outside world at a distance.

But there are also other, more implicit secrets that emerge naturally in a conversation, usually between two people.

That is when a particular bond of trust begins to form, sometimes without either person realising it.

This bond is very powerful, and can create stronger relationships in a few weeks than others built over several years.

Even if it is not innate, you can develop your aptitude and your culture of secrecy. Here are a few things to bear in mind to help you develop this new form of networking:

🗣 The context: pay attention to the place, the timing and the nature of the conversation, whether in person or online.

🔒 How widely it is shared: if the information is limited to a small group of which you are now part: you must consider it confidential.

👀 Watch for verbal cues: turns of phrase such as "Between us…", "Between you and me…", "I probably should not say this, but…", "In confidence…", "I am telling you this…" are often indicators that must trigger your internal alarm.

💡 Intuition : If your instinct tells you that you should keep a piece of information to yourself, even if it seemed unimportant to you at first glance: it is best to do so until you know more.

🤔 Ask: if you are unsure about the information and would like to share it, simply asking during the conversation can clear things up.

Finally, if in doubt, after the conversation, it is always preferable to opt for discretion. It is better to keep a piece of information to oneself than to risk causing problems by divulging it.

Later, if the person tells this "secret" in front of others, or someone else shares it, act surprised as if you have just heard it. They will not forget it.

PS: do not become paranoid about it: do not see secrets everywhere!

Have a good week, and take care of yourselves!

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